Lately I've had people ask me WHY I refuse to stay in the city I was born in.
Well....Here is my explanation....
Ever since I left the state and came back, I've seen plenty people that graduated when I did with KIDS. I mean, don't get me wrong, I once was pregnant. But, it seems like more than 75% of people between the ages of 15-28 have PLENTY kids.
Every time I turn around, I see ANOTHER person having a kid or two. I don't think that makes any sense at all.
On top of that, they're not doing ANYTHING with themselves.
How is that supposed to make everyone else feel who aren't in that predicament??
Sometimes I feel ashamed to tell people that I'm from here. For instance, I visited the mall the other day and there were plenty young people with kids. All I could do was nod my head.
That's all.......Well I DO have more thoughts on it......But for now...THAT IS ALL I WILL SAY...
Monday, February 15, 2010
Tuesday, February 9, 2010
Get advertisers to MyLikes - Sponsored Post
Get advertisers to MyLikes - mylikes.com
Basically get paid to have people advertise....it's a good thing!
Wednesday, January 27, 2010
There's a Reason why it's called the PAST
So it's a new year.......
But it seems like there's always something coming back from the past...
An ex of mine texts me saying he wants to see me.....Ummm NO THANKS! ...There's just no point.
Another one does the same...Quite frankly, I'm tired of it. This is not the time to try and make things right. When we were together you didn't act right so I had to let you go. Now why on Earth would I back track and talk to you again?
Also, I've been hearing from people I knew from the past. No, I don't want to hang with you, there's no point. You're still the same.
I wish ppl would at least TRY to understand where I'm coming from. I mean, you WEREN'T consistent in the past so what makes you think I want you now? Speaking to them is just like I kicked a BAD habit, was doing well, and then fell back into my foolish ways. That's only letting them have the opportunity to fuck up again....and woe is me if I allow that to happen.
Hmmm....Another thing on my mind about the past was these past few years, starting from when I graduated from high school. I swear it seems like 2009 was BY FAR the worst year EVER. But I'm learning to let things go.
Car accident/situation- PAST......let go
Ex Boyfriends-PAST...let go
Old friends-PAST...let go
Family problems-PAST ...let go
A "Few" Fears-PAST...let go
Holding onto things and people in the past doesn't help with the FUTURE. So I'm not allowing myself to take steps BACK....I'm only moving FORWARD.
Everytime I write in this blog, I NEVER look back. I don't go and reread it again because there's no point. Everything I wrote was in the PAST and I intend on leaving it there. No further discussions, or anything.
Now...You can take this however you want to...But I'm moving on...You can come WITH or get left BEHIND.....
Blahhhhhhh.....Those are just some thoughts I had........Nothing was prewritten .....
Have a nice day :)
But it seems like there's always something coming back from the past...
An ex of mine texts me saying he wants to see me.....Ummm NO THANKS! ...There's just no point.
Another one does the same...Quite frankly, I'm tired of it. This is not the time to try and make things right. When we were together you didn't act right so I had to let you go. Now why on Earth would I back track and talk to you again?
Also, I've been hearing from people I knew from the past. No, I don't want to hang with you, there's no point. You're still the same.
I wish ppl would at least TRY to understand where I'm coming from. I mean, you WEREN'T consistent in the past so what makes you think I want you now? Speaking to them is just like I kicked a BAD habit, was doing well, and then fell back into my foolish ways. That's only letting them have the opportunity to fuck up again....and woe is me if I allow that to happen.
Hmmm....Another thing on my mind about the past was these past few years, starting from when I graduated from high school. I swear it seems like 2009 was BY FAR the worst year EVER. But I'm learning to let things go.
Car accident/situation- PAST......let go
Ex Boyfriends-PAST...let go
Old friends-PAST...let go
Family problems-PAST ...let go
A "Few" Fears-PAST...let go
Holding onto things and people in the past doesn't help with the FUTURE. So I'm not allowing myself to take steps BACK....I'm only moving FORWARD.
Everytime I write in this blog, I NEVER look back. I don't go and reread it again because there's no point. Everything I wrote was in the PAST and I intend on leaving it there. No further discussions, or anything.
Now...You can take this however you want to...But I'm moving on...You can come WITH or get left BEHIND.....
Blahhhhhhh.....Those are just some thoughts I had........Nothing was prewritten .....
Have a nice day :)
Tuesday, January 26, 2010
Just b/c....
So some people think they "know" by me now from reading my blogs...
Well THINK AGAIN!.....
Yeah, I do write about a LOT of personal things, but it's NOT my entire life.
So I want to say, JUST B/C you've read an ENTRY or two in this blog, DOESN'T mean anything....
You STILL don't know me.....You just have a better insight of where I'm coming from....
Toodles....
Well THINK AGAIN!.....
Yeah, I do write about a LOT of personal things, but it's NOT my entire life.
So I want to say, JUST B/C you've read an ENTRY or two in this blog, DOESN'T mean anything....
You STILL don't know me.....You just have a better insight of where I'm coming from....
Toodles....
Been Gone...
So I've been away for a while...
I've had a little time to reflect on some things....
There's been LESS dramam than usual and I can HONESTLY say that things may be getting better :) ...
THAT'S ALL! LOL
I've had a little time to reflect on some things....
There's been LESS dramam than usual and I can HONESTLY say that things may be getting better :) ...
THAT'S ALL! LOL
Tuesday, January 5, 2010
It is, What it is
So I was speaking to someone a while ago about fathers. Hmm....This was very interesting.
He asked about my father. I said he is nothing but a SPERM DONOR and that's it. He has done nothing. The last time I seen him was the day I graduated from high school and before that, it was like when I was 14 or something.
So my friend says that well he has no excuse. BUT, his dad does, he's in jail. That's no damn excuse! You knew you had kids so why the hell would you do something bad to jeopardize things?
I mean my father is NO good but, what makes yours any better?
My father lives in the SAME city I lived in for 19 years of my life. He has other children that he sees! But I barely see him. He's a half stepping ass father!
I remember a time when he tried to tell me what to do. All that ran through my head was, WHO ARE YOU TO TELL ME WHAT TO DO.
What makes things even worse is that he KNOWS my family and where my mom works at. So if he wanted to get in contact with me, it would be NO problem.
Once he asked my mom why I don't contact him or anything. Why should I?? The damn phone works BOTH ways.
So that's why I don't want kids at this time, I wouldn't want my kids to go through that bullshit. I mean it's VERY common these days. Most guys did it to themselves and have no reason to complain when they get called names.
So what I'm basically saying is that IT IS, WHAT IT IS....Once you fuck up something that could've been good, there is NO turning back. I don't hate him, but I sure as hell don't care for him.
He asked about my father. I said he is nothing but a SPERM DONOR and that's it. He has done nothing. The last time I seen him was the day I graduated from high school and before that, it was like when I was 14 or something.
So my friend says that well he has no excuse. BUT, his dad does, he's in jail. That's no damn excuse! You knew you had kids so why the hell would you do something bad to jeopardize things?
I mean my father is NO good but, what makes yours any better?
My father lives in the SAME city I lived in for 19 years of my life. He has other children that he sees! But I barely see him. He's a half stepping ass father!
I remember a time when he tried to tell me what to do. All that ran through my head was, WHO ARE YOU TO TELL ME WHAT TO DO.
What makes things even worse is that he KNOWS my family and where my mom works at. So if he wanted to get in contact with me, it would be NO problem.
Once he asked my mom why I don't contact him or anything. Why should I?? The damn phone works BOTH ways.
So that's why I don't want kids at this time, I wouldn't want my kids to go through that bullshit. I mean it's VERY common these days. Most guys did it to themselves and have no reason to complain when they get called names.
So what I'm basically saying is that IT IS, WHAT IT IS....Once you fuck up something that could've been good, there is NO turning back. I don't hate him, but I sure as hell don't care for him.
Friday, January 1, 2010
Why I write
So I constantly get asked why I write and what made me write. Well this picture explains it all.
.jpg)
.jpg)
I'm like a walking ball of fire at times.
I have a LOT going on in my head.
I usually keep it inside.
Sometimes I want to lash out but writing is better.
A good friend of mine suggested that I write down my thoughts and whatnot.
Thank you.
It has helped me tremendously.
As I write, it helps me forget.
You know...sort of like a diary.
It's something I can go back and reflect on.
So this is why I write...or TYPE lol.
:)
Thursday, December 31, 2009
I remember it like it was yesterday...
I woke up that morning and went to work...
My stomach was hurting like hell and the Bank wasn't even open...
I did the morning work and asked to leave b/c I was in so much pain...
They let me go...
I called my best friend and let him know what happened...
He asked if I needed to get picked up...
I said no, I was going to drive myself home...
So I just decided to sleep it off..
Sleep didn't help at all...
It just got worse...
I called my best friend and picked him up...
He drove me to the hospital...
He takes my car and makes a quick run...
I sat in the Emergency Waiting Room...
In a wheelchair...
With so much pain...
I suddenly felt wet...
Like I peed or something...
I knew something wasn't right...
I went to the bathroom in the waiting area...
Sat on the toilet...
And out it comes...
Gallons of blood comes out...
Plenty BIG blood clots next...
Then I felt a big release...
SPLASH!...
Out comes the Sac...
The whole works...
EVERYTHING is released...
I start to cry...
There is blood everywhere...
I picked up my phone and called my friend...
Then my ma....
I told them what happened...
I pulled the string for help...
The nurse knocked..
She came in..
I told her what happened...
She rushed to get some kind of container...
She put on some gloves...
Then she reached in the toilet and pulled it ALL out...
OMG!...
Really???...
I cleaned myself up...
We left the bathroom...
Everybody was staring....
She was holding the container...
She tried to disguise what was in it...
Tears still were coming down my face...
We walked to a room...
The doctor came in...
We talked about it...
I signed some papers and left...
WOW! At first I didn't want the baby...
Then I did...
I got used to the doctor appointments..
Then that happens...
It was taken from me just like that...
Hmmm....
My stomach was hurting like hell and the Bank wasn't even open...
I did the morning work and asked to leave b/c I was in so much pain...
They let me go...
I called my best friend and let him know what happened...
He asked if I needed to get picked up...
I said no, I was going to drive myself home...
So I just decided to sleep it off..
Sleep didn't help at all...
It just got worse...
I called my best friend and picked him up...
He drove me to the hospital...
He takes my car and makes a quick run...
I sat in the Emergency Waiting Room...
In a wheelchair...
With so much pain...
I suddenly felt wet...
Like I peed or something...
I knew something wasn't right...
I went to the bathroom in the waiting area...
Sat on the toilet...
And out it comes...
Gallons of blood comes out...
Plenty BIG blood clots next...
Then I felt a big release...
SPLASH!...
Out comes the Sac...
The whole works...
EVERYTHING is released...
I start to cry...
There is blood everywhere...
I picked up my phone and called my friend...
Then my ma....
I told them what happened...
I pulled the string for help...
The nurse knocked..
She came in..
I told her what happened...
She rushed to get some kind of container...
She put on some gloves...
Then she reached in the toilet and pulled it ALL out...
OMG!...
Really???...
I cleaned myself up...
We left the bathroom...
Everybody was staring....
She was holding the container...
She tried to disguise what was in it...
Tears still were coming down my face...
We walked to a room...
The doctor came in...
We talked about it...
I signed some papers and left...
WOW! At first I didn't want the baby...
Then I did...
I got used to the doctor appointments..
Then that happens...
It was taken from me just like that...
Hmmm....
Thursday, December 24, 2009
***Maybe it wasn't meant to be*** (Thursday, April 3, 2008 at 9:03am)
Damn...It was juat a month ago when I wrote the note that started it all.................I don't know what to say.................................All I can remember is what happened when I went to the ER.......
After getting some bloodwork done.....
I finally am on my way to the ultrasound area......
As I'm rolling in the wheelchair, plenty things are going through my mind.....
I make it up there....
She starts checking my ovaries and all that shit......
Nearly a half hour has passed....
Next is the baby....
We're looking around, trying to find it......
She spots it.....
It's small....
She has to use a probe....
It is clear.....
They baby is there....
she flips it to different view and all that shit...
I ask questions.....
"What are those lines at the bottom of the screen?"
She replies, "That detects movement."
"Of who?"......"Me?"....or......"The baby?"
She replies", The Baby."
ALL I THINK IN MY HEAD IS, "SHIT!"......."WTF!"
I try to ask questions...
But she's not authorized to answer them....
The ultrasound is done...
We proceed back down to the ER room...
After a while...
The doctor and nurse enters....
My ma is standing and my Bestfriend Alex is sitting....
They have the results....
They ask if I want them in the room....
I think hard about it....
I say NO...
They leave....
..................................
They say.........................
I am 80% in a miscarriage.....
80%????....
Yes....
The baby was at 6 weeks of development...
But I am 10 weeks along......
It is under-developed....
No heartbeat...
No movement....
NOTHING!....
I say......DAMN!....
I knew that was it when I seen the lines on the ultrasound....
The lines didn't move....
At that time.....
The nurse looks more emotional than me....
I'm surprised .....
But then again....
I'm not....
I have no big reaction......
I finally get released.....
I tell my ma what happened...
She gives me a weird look.....
There's nothing she can really say....
We go on about our business.....
We go to the Mall......
I show her where I work...
We eat....
Go to my crib....
Chill....
She gets the vibe that I want to be alone....
She's been with me all day....
I LOVE MY MA....
But I want her to leave.....
I don't say it....
But she feels it....
She asks if I'll be ok...
I say yeah...
I'm good....
She's gone for a few mintues....
It hits me......
I can't stop crying.................................
All the shit I've gone through in the last few days has finally gotten to me.....
I cry...
and cry....
and cry........
Anthony arrives.....
I open the door....
I look a mess....lol
Make-up smeared all over my face....
He gives me a hug...
I hate hugs.....
But in a way...
It feels good......
As the night pass I think....
I have a dead baby in me.....
WTF....
IDK......
THIS STORY IS DONE....
My ma and I have been through so much.....
But despite everything....
She was there for every appointment...
And every ER visit...
IMMEDIATELY....
Her job was second....
I came first....
DAMN!...
I LOVE MY MA.....
AND TO MY BFF'S: ANTHONY, ALLEN, TYRONE.....
THANKS!.... :)
THANKS TYRONE FOR COMING OVER THE OTHER NIGHT WHEN I HAD A BREAKDOWN..
THANKS ANTHONY FOR LAST NIGHT.....
NOT MUCH WAS DISCUSSED....
BUT.....
I JUST WANTED SOMEBODY TO BE THERE....
AND ALLEN.....THANKS TOO......YOUR BIG HEAD ASS LOOK FUNNY IN SCRUBS....LOL
AND EVERYONE ELSE.....THANKS ALSO....
NOW I'M ON BED REST FOR A FEW MORE DAYS....
I GUESS I REALLY NEED TO BE AWAY FROM WORK.....
IDK WHEN I'LL BE BACK......
BUT THEY SAY WHENEVER I WANT TO COME BACK IS FINE.....
I'M GOOD...
I THINK......
After getting some bloodwork done.....
I finally am on my way to the ultrasound area......
As I'm rolling in the wheelchair, plenty things are going through my mind.....
I make it up there....
She starts checking my ovaries and all that shit......
Nearly a half hour has passed....
Next is the baby....
We're looking around, trying to find it......
She spots it.....
It's small....
She has to use a probe....
It is clear.....
They baby is there....
she flips it to different view and all that shit...
I ask questions.....
"What are those lines at the bottom of the screen?"
She replies, "That detects movement."
"Of who?"......"Me?"....or......"The baby?"
She replies", The Baby."
ALL I THINK IN MY HEAD IS, "SHIT!"......."WTF!"
I try to ask questions...
But she's not authorized to answer them....
The ultrasound is done...
We proceed back down to the ER room...
After a while...
The doctor and nurse enters....
My ma is standing and my Bestfriend Alex is sitting....
They have the results....
They ask if I want them in the room....
I think hard about it....
I say NO...
They leave....
..................................
They say.........................
I am 80% in a miscarriage.....
80%????....
Yes....
The baby was at 6 weeks of development...
But I am 10 weeks along......
It is under-developed....
No heartbeat...
No movement....
NOTHING!....
I say......DAMN!....
I knew that was it when I seen the lines on the ultrasound....
The lines didn't move....
At that time.....
The nurse looks more emotional than me....
I'm surprised .....
But then again....
I'm not....
I have no big reaction......
I finally get released.....
I tell my ma what happened...
She gives me a weird look.....
There's nothing she can really say....
We go on about our business.....
We go to the Mall......
I show her where I work...
We eat....
Go to my crib....
Chill....
She gets the vibe that I want to be alone....
She's been with me all day....
I LOVE MY MA....
But I want her to leave.....
I don't say it....
But she feels it....
She asks if I'll be ok...
I say yeah...
I'm good....
She's gone for a few mintues....
It hits me......
I can't stop crying.................................
All the shit I've gone through in the last few days has finally gotten to me.....
I cry...
and cry....
and cry........
Anthony arrives.....
I open the door....
I look a mess....lol
Make-up smeared all over my face....
He gives me a hug...
I hate hugs.....
But in a way...
It feels good......
As the night pass I think....
I have a dead baby in me.....
WTF....
IDK......
THIS STORY IS DONE....
My ma and I have been through so much.....
But despite everything....
She was there for every appointment...
And every ER visit...
IMMEDIATELY....
Her job was second....
I came first....
DAMN!...
I LOVE MY MA.....
AND TO MY BFF'S: ANTHONY, ALLEN, TYRONE.....
THANKS!.... :)
THANKS TYRONE FOR COMING OVER THE OTHER NIGHT WHEN I HAD A BREAKDOWN..
THANKS ANTHONY FOR LAST NIGHT.....
NOT MUCH WAS DISCUSSED....
BUT.....
I JUST WANTED SOMEBODY TO BE THERE....
AND ALLEN.....THANKS TOO......YOUR BIG HEAD ASS LOOK FUNNY IN SCRUBS....LOL
AND EVERYONE ELSE.....THANKS ALSO....
NOW I'M ON BED REST FOR A FEW MORE DAYS....
I GUESS I REALLY NEED TO BE AWAY FROM WORK.....
IDK WHEN I'LL BE BACK......
BUT THEY SAY WHENEVER I WANT TO COME BACK IS FINE.....
I'M GOOD...
I THINK......
***SOME DEEP SHIT***(Monday, March 3, 2008 at 10:13pm)
As yall already know...I got a baby on the way....and I'm not a woman of many words.....But I'm going through some pain physically and emotionally. My stomach hurt like hell all day everyday and yet I continue to work 12 hour shifts. Emotionally....well...Seriously...The shit hasn't hit me yet....But I know I feel a breakdown coming real soon....
ALL I WANTED TO SAY WAS THANK YOU FOR EVERYTHING....WE'VE HAD SOME GOOD TIMES...AND SOME BAD TIMES....BUT FOR THE MOST PART YOU'VE BEEN THERE....
I LOVE YALL!!.....WITH ALL OF MY HEART....YALL MY BOOS....LOL.....RACHELLE........NIGGAS.....AND BITCHES AND I WOULDN'T TRADE YOU FOR ANYTHING IN THE WORLD.....
(I JUST HOPE YALL ARE AROUND WHEN THE BABY ARRIVES) :)
ALL I WANTED TO SAY WAS THANK YOU FOR EVERYTHING....WE'VE HAD SOME GOOD TIMES...AND SOME BAD TIMES....BUT FOR THE MOST PART YOU'VE BEEN THERE....
I LOVE YALL!!.....WITH ALL OF MY HEART....YALL MY BOOS....LOL.....RACHELLE........NIGGAS.....AND BITCHES AND I WOULDN'T TRADE YOU FOR ANYTHING IN THE WORLD.....
(I JUST HOPE YALL ARE AROUND WHEN THE BABY ARRIVES) :)
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
